Sexless Marriage Advice for Women
Sexless marriages are a reality. Couples generally do not discuss their behind-the-door scenarios with everyone, not even with close friends and family. The fact is that several married couples are connecting less than once a month physically, which as per sex therapists, is an indication of a sexless marriage.
This is not ideal – marital bliss is closely synced with sex in marriage. However, not all is lost. It can be a problematic scenario for women and men both. But, there are ways that can help rekindle the fire once more. Couples can seek help from professional therapists and counselors and do a lot to save their marriage from crumbling down.
There could be multiple reasons for a sexless marriage. In most cases, it is the absence of mutual understanding between the husband and the wife. Usually, the couple drifts apart, and then none of them is ready to address the situation. Reasons for sexless marriages range from having kids to low sex drive, hormonal issues, lack of understanding and communication between partners, physical abuse or trauma, age, pregnancy, an extra-marital affair of either partner, illness, or physical or mental disabilities.
How is a woman affected by a sexless marriage?
In many cultures and for many women across the world, sexless marriage is often a way of life, many a time, their preferable choice. However, the fact remains that the lack of physical intimacy affects the lady of the house, in turn impacting the family's wellbeing and overall health. How does sexless marriage affect women?
- Self-doubt and reduced self-esteem.
- Stress about not being good enough for her man.
- Unhappiness leads to arguments, blame games, etc.
- A sense of being trapped in a loveless marriage.
- An excuse to indulge in extra-marital affairs and look for love elsewhere.
- Feeling of instability, loneliness, and confusion about the status of the marriage.
- Self-pity & guilt, a harmful tonic for depression.
- Shaming one's own body and self-hurting to the point of no return.
How can women deal with a sexless marriage?
Stop the blame game
One of the foremost things to do is stop torturing yourself and taking the blame for the sexlessness in the marriage. Most women in sexless marriages start to fat shame themselves – maybe it's my body, I am fat, and he does not like me anymore. Thoughts like these can create a whirlwind of self-deprecating emotions and be very well the beginning to the end.
So, women need to start the process of healing by first stopping the blame game. Self-blame can create havoc in their lives and that of the family. It should also not be the case where the wife blames the husband entirely for the sexless marriage. This can lead to abuses and fights, affecting the ambiance of the house.
It is important to be rational and look at it from a third person's perspective. If he is ignoring you, you need to know what he thinks when he ignores you, rather than simply blaming him. The point is that sex in a marriage is not the responsibility of any one individual – it is a mutual process. It is enjoyable only when both are hundred percent involved. Therefore, blaming any one party can be disastrous.
Communication is the key
Want to know the pivotal factor that can dramatically revolutionize the fragile relationship? It's communication. The wife and the husband need to speak to one another. They need to listen and understand one another. The perfect way is to speak about it when there's no one around, in a comfortable environment where it is easy to let go of inhibitions. If possible, at home, do it; if not, go out for a night, for dinner, for a date, and then start the conversation.
Remember, the goal is to understand why your marriage is sexless and what can be done to revive the cardinal connections again. From that perspective, letting your partner confide in you and then sharing your concerns is the best way. Both partners, in this case, need to be open so that they can discuss the problem without any reservations, shyness, or fear of being judged.
Recognize the biological clock of your body is ticking
It is pertinent to take cognizance of the fact that as the natural clock of the body ticks, the libido often takes a dip. As one ages, responsibilities add up, and kids appear on the scene, both partners can experience a decreased interest in sexual intercourse. That's natural! Accept it. It could be your sexual drive or that of your husband's – there could be medical reasons behind it, or it could be more about the everyday stress of a hectic lifestyle. Either way, you can seek help from professionals to find out what is causing the lack of interest and then address it.
Sometimes, there's no apparent reason. There's no medical reasoning too. Once you are married for a few years, the ‘madly-in-love' hormones take a back seat. When reality strikes, people often discover that even though they love their partner, there are infinite grounds where they do not seem to agree. Many couples get into arguments, followed by verbal abuses. This can ultimately lead to psychological and physical abuse. Building resentment is one of the significant causes behind sexless marriages.
If you still feel for one another, nothing is lost yet
It's an excellent thumb-of-rule to follow – if you still love your husband and have a sense that he feels the same way for you, it means that it is not too late to revive the sparks. Couples who are emotionally attached and feel intimate whatsoever at the mental level can spark off their cardinal needs with a bit of maturity. All you need to do is work on it and be ready to invest your time and efforts.
As long as you are interested in physical intimacy with one another, nothing can stop you from resuscitating the romance. Start with sharing quiet moments, holding hands, tiny cuddles, and then take it forward, building up the excitement. If you can, share your fantasies with your husband and let him share his too. If possible, find ways to indulge in these, and it can work wonders for your fragile relationship.
Initiate a schedule
Schedules can sound boring, but they can be the perfect medicine for certain aspects of life. For example, scheduling a date every weekend can be a great way to turn your sexless marriage into spending meaningful ‘our time' with each other. It doesn't necessarily have to end up in a lustful night of sex – if it does, that's great. If it does not, at least you would have made a start in the right direction.
These times will allow both of you to talk, spend time with one another, hold hands, smile, discuss, be naughty, remember the past, etc. All these can be great turn-ons and work fabulously for many couples who seem to have got lost somewhere while fulfilling their roles in the daily grind. Remember, small efforts and tiny things matter a lot.
Understandably, a sexless marriage is not something to be happy about. You cannot bear it as a pride badge on your shirt and move around. Nonetheless, if you have a close-knit group of supportive friends or close family members who will not judge you, you can begin by sharing things with them. There's no harm. Sometimes, the third perspective helps. And, if nothing else, you can de-burden your heart and misgivings. Venting out suppressed thoughts and emotions can help clear the mind bringing clarity to many things.
Visit a sex therapist
Fortunately, we live in a period where science can be of immense help, even in reviving a sexless marriage. There are psychologists specializing in sex and couple therapies. They have the expertise to untangle the delicate fragments of your marriage and assist both of you in recognizing signs of a frailing marriage. They will help you identify the causes and address the issues rocking your married life with scientific and logical reasoning.
The best part is that the therapist does not have any personal connection with you or your husband. Therefore, they will not have any prejudices against or for anyone. They are not going to take sides. They simply act as facilitators so that both of you can open up, accept your shortcomings, identify issues, and reset your couple goals. In the end, it's going to help save your sexless marriage.
Being a woman in a sexless marriage is as helpless a situation as being a man in a sexless marriage. It is not a joyful situation for any partner. Keeping this in mind, you need to give your best to make it work. If it doesn't work, you can at least move on that you tried your hundred percent to revive the marriage. If you feel your partner is as interested as you are in making things work, there are chances that he is falling in love with you again and an excellent base to start reactivating your marriage.