Sexless Marriage Advice for Men
While sexless marriages may sound a bit ‘weird' to many, the fact of the matter is that it is a reality. There are couples who stay under the same roof, with or without children, minus the physical intimacies. Is it a problem? For many men, this could be a serious problem. Many take this as the perfect excuse to ask for a divorce or indulge in a romantic fling. Many others live through the stress and associated after-effects without conveying a word to their spouse.
We are going to explain extensively about ways that a man can deal with a sexless marriage. But before that, it is essential to understand two crucial aspects of a sexless marriage.
Reasons married couples banish sex from their marriage
There could be several reasons couples choose to create a physical distance from one another even when living together. In most cases, it is a silent unvocal decision; probably, that is where lies the main problem.
Some of the common reasons that act as barriers against sex in a marriage and worsen the situation are:
- Arguments, conflicts & abuses
- Lower libido and medical issues
- Hectic Lifestyle
- Wavering physical attraction to another person
- Mismatch of mutual desires
- The activity becomes boring after having kids
How is a man affected when he is in a sexless marriage?
For men, marital and sexual satisfaction are acquiesced together. It goes hand-in-gloves. Various studies and researches prove that sex is an integral part of a romantic relationship, especially a marital relationship. Cardinal pleasures are the biological needs of grown-up men and women, and sex is one expression that spices up the marriage. When spices are missing, the result can be a bland distasteful relationship.
When a man is in a sexless marriage, he is prone to –
- Depression: The lack of sexual activity and physical intimacy with his spouse can push him towards depression. This arises from a sense of rejection, which is not just stressful for the person but also humiliating.
- Low dignity: Constant denial by the wife to satisfy the physical needs of the husband affects his self-esteem. This can push the individual to indulge in unhealthy habits like alcoholism, drugs, etc.
- Adultery: When a man is unsatiated sexually in his marital relationship, he can tend to look outside. The sexual frustration can easily lead him to cheat on his wife. The motivation to enter into adulterous relationships can be pretty high.
- Separation & Divorce: This is another possible outcome of a sexless marriage. It takes a lot of willpower and patience for the man to stay in a platonic relationship with his wife. Often, separations and divorces are the direct results of such relationships.
While there are many adverse outcomes for the man in a sexless marriage, psychologists usually agree on one point – that a marriage without sex is definitely not a marriage without love. The argument is that if the man is still in the marriage, he has some emotional attachment and involvement in the relationship.
How to handle a sexless marriage?
A marriage is a relationship made up of complex and intricate elements. It is not a joke and takes a lot of hard work and perseverance from either party to make it work. Hence, destroying a marriage due to lack of sex is not the wisest thing to do, especially when there are ways to revive the sparks. Below are the practical ways to address the issue.
Don't ignore the subject or the warning signs
Cognizance of an issue is the beginning of the path towards reforming your relationship. Step number 1 is recognizing the problem, the elephant in the room. Getting clarity in your mind is of vital essence. You need to find answers to questions that define what you exactly want. Do you want to mend the sexless relationship, or do you want to leave and move on? You must evaluate the pros and cons of the possible solutions.
As mentioned before, leaving a marriage or seeking a divorce in a sexless marriage is an idea that would cross your mind at some point or the other. But, you need to be rational when deciding. Consider if sex is the bone of contention, or are there other underlying issues too.
Tip – listen to your heart, revisit your earlier years, consider how a divorce or separation would affect your kids and other family members, etc., and then decide.
Talking it out with your spouse
Many men find it challenging to express their needs and desires with their wives. But, that is the second step towards resolving the issue if you are keen to stay put in the relationship. To address the issue, you have to talk about the problem with your wife. The fact is that it is your marriage, and if there is something that is distancing you from your spouse, then it is up to you to find the way through.
Often men are at a cross-road because their wives are not ready to talk it out with them. In such a case, professional involvement is advised. A therapist can become the key to unlocking the pent-up emotions and needs.
Tip – Pick the right moment to talk. Don't coerce or force your wife to have sex, and don't start the topic in the bed. Choose a place and time when your wife is comfortable discussing this topic.
Listen, be Patient, Empathize
When you choose to communicate, you need not just say what you have in your mind but also listen to what she says. That's communication, and it should be both ways. If she is not ready to come out, give her time.
The bottom line is – both of you need to be equally focused on saving the marriage, and if sexlessness is the issue, you need to find a way to communicate the same with her. And you need to get to the root cause of the problem.
Tip – Don't push or cajole her. On the contrary, give her space, make her feel wanted, and show her love instead of resentment and complaints. Be patient and let it all unravel at its own pace.
Another crucial aspect of this conversation is being honest with your partner. No inhibitions and hold-ups. If she has understood you so far, there's no reason why she will not now.
Give her the opportunity to give the facts too. Maybe there's something about your habits that discourages her from getting intimate. Perhaps she is more interested in the foreplay rather than the rest. Maybe her hormones are troubling her in her menopause or post-partum condition. There could be so many reasons.
Both of you should feel confident about opening up your heart to one another. Only then can the solution be found.
Tip – Do not try to impress her by holding back the truth. Let it out. Similarly, listen to her with an open mind.
Don't compare and Stop complaining
Your attitude in this regard matters a lot. You cannot afford to approach this subject with negativity and restraint. You cannot make this conversation a ground for complaining, accusing, or hurling abuses at your wife. If you intend to do so, give up the ideal and take professional help.
One of the worst ways to hurt our relationships, not just marital ones, is by comparing our status with others. You need to understand that every couple is different, with varying couple goals. And from the outside, your friends or neighbors' relationships may look hunky-dory, but who knows what happens behind closed doors.
Tip – It's unfair to compare. If nothing else, take your love as the cue, even if it seems long lost. Start building on this love, and you will find common ground to start the conversation.
Take small steps
Even if the topic is about sexless marriage, it necessarily doesn't have to be only about sex. Yes, you both need to sit down together to remove the obstacles and barriers to the sexless aspect but don't push hard. Maybe, the solution lies in eliminating sex and thoughts related to it for a while. That way, you relax and your spouse too.
It is best to begin with, slow baby steps. It is like re-inventing the wheel of intimacy all over again, just like the first time. Learn how to seduce a woman again. Go small and possibly start with the touches and the innocent pecks on the cheek before moving on to the bigger things. Also, keep the communication on to know for sure what your wife wants.
Tips – It's practically baby steps – remember the adage, “slow and steady win the race?” It's crucial to reconnect emotionally first. Go out of town for a couple of days. Spend time together minus kids, family, and friends. Walk down the path through your sexual history and relive those moments again. Instead of performance pressure, try to weave in spontaneity.
A vital point to dwell upon is that you are not alone – sexless marriage is not uncommon. Even sexless marriage for women is also a common problem. Many others are going through similar turmoils. Secondly, don't hesitate to seek help from an expert because intermediation is often successful when a husband and wife do not find common ground to start patching up things. If you love her, if you adore your wife, and if the marriage is precious, give it your best try. Ace up your best self with the best dating tips for men.