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100 Intimate Questions to Ask Your Partner

100 Questions for Intimacy and Deep Relationship

Intimacy, or being very close in a relationship, happens at four levels. Emotional and physical closeness is pretty common, especially with someone romantically inclined toward you. For example, a spouse, lover, or fiancée! The other two levels include mental and spiritual intimacy.

Being extremely close with someone, like your partner, gives you the right to ask for details from their private and personal life that not many know about. It is a part of their lives, usually concealed from their parents, siblings, or close friends.

With a romantic liaison, you must ask specific intimate questions to ensure the relationship is steady. Some questions can also be fun and banter, though the objective should never be about laughing at the other person's expense and hurting their feelings.

Intimate questions should be asked at an appropriate time. The aim should be to discover more about your lover and strengthen the bond. While physical or sexual intimacy is a natural progression in a relationship, partners should also work to fortify their emotional intimacy. It will help sow the seed of a healthy relationship, creating a comfortable space of trust and open communication.

Things to Remember

What are some of the things that you should keep in mind while asking intimate questions to your partner?

  • Strengthening your emotional bonding with your partner requires time and commitment from both sides.
  • Be sensitive while asking questions because these can expose the vulnerabilities of your lover. It can be uncomfortable for the other person.
  • As mentioned above, it is about strengthening the bond and not just getting to know the juicy details of their past.
  • Such questions cannot be randomly asked anywhere and anytime. Instead, schedule a time that's appropriate for both of you, ensuring that there are no interruptions. You can also plan such dates at home or on outings so that you are mentally prepared.
  • If the questions pertain to sexual indulgences of the past, be ready to share your adventures too. Remember, it is a two-way process.
  • Frame your questions so that you get more than a simple ‘yes' or a ‘no' answer.
  • Ask meaningful questions. Otherwise, you will soon realize it is a waste of time and energy.
  • The entire purpose of asking intimate questions of your partner is to get to know them better. That is why you should be ready to listen. If you appear uninterested in the answers, the purpose is lost.
  • Don't be judgmental or have prejudices, especially when the other person answers your question. Whether you like the answer or not, give them full attention and listen.
  • If the answer surprises or upsets you, try not to show it, take a break, have a glass of water, and then continue the rendezvous. Don't respond spontaneously – remember, you should not end up arguing, or the session should not create a distance between the two.

Connecting Emotionally: Questions From the Past

  1. As a kid, what did you fear the most?
  2. Any regrets from the past?
  3. Who is the one person (dead or alive) whom you miss the most from your childhood days?
  4. What kind of personal loss did you face as a child?
  5. What were your dreams mostly about back then?
  6. What were the most attractive things about your first school crush?
  7. What do you still remember from your first date?
  8. Did you ever cheat on your partner or contemplate doing so?
  9. What was your lowest point when you stepped into adulthood?
  10. What is it that one thing you have never told me about your past?
  11. What is the one thing you wish I had from a partner in the past? It can be a physical or emotional attribute, a personality trait, etc.
  12. Have you been easy to mingle with as a youngster or difficult?
  13. If life gives you a chance, what is that one thing that you would do differently in the past?
  14. Who have you idolized from your personal relationships as a child?
  15. Have you been delusional in love?
  16. Was it ever difficult for you to get physically intimate with any of your ex?
  17. Are there any particular types of fantasies that you practiced before you met me?
  18. Is there anything about your physical intimacy in the past that you have not shared with me?
  19. Have you ever experienced and nursed a broken heart?
  20. Any incident or person from the past that intimidated you.
  21. Have you ever dated someone who had lost their partner? How was the experience?
  22. Have you ever dated someone way older or younger than you?
  23. What is that one childhood value or belief that you were taught but now you find irrelevant?
  24. What is your earliest childhood memory that brings you joy?
  25. Can you share a time when you felt truly understood and appreciated by someone?
  26. Is there a book or movie that deeply touched your heart?

Connecting Emotionally: Questions About You

  1. What was the first thing that came to your mind when you saw me?
  2. How long did it take to know you wanted to date me?
  3. Has life been easier with me around, or is it a struggle?
  4. Point out one habit of mine that you would want me to change.
  5. When did you realize that you love me?
  6. How important am I in your life?
  7. What is that one thing I do that makes you feel special and cared for?
  8. What can I do to become your ideal partner?
  9. What activities did you do with your previous partners that you still need to do with me?
  10. Do you think we have a life together in the future?
  11. When you are upset or feeling down, do you want to speak about it with me, or like to have some space?
  12. Do you think we are soulmates or have known each other from our previous life?
  13. What do you think connects us as lovers in this relationship?
  14. What is that one trait of mine that you would never want me to change?
  15. Which physical feature of mine do you find the most attractive?
  16. What are the types of compliments you love to hear from me?
  17. Have you ever doubted my feelings for you?
  18. Do you think our relationship is more of lust or love?
  19. Do you think we should be experimenting more when we are physically intimate?
  20. Describe any fantasy that you would want us to be a part of.
  21. Are there any specific foreplay methods you want me to try on you before we enter the bedroom?
  22. How would you describe our relationship in a sentence?
  23. When did you feel we had really gotten close to each other?
  24. Usually, do you prioritize your needs or mine?
  25. Any three global destinations you want to visit with me provided the money is not a limitation.
  26. What are a few things we need to work on as partners to strengthen this bond?
  27. Is my career growth as important to you as yours?
  28. Have I ever intimidated you or made you feel vulnerable?
  29. Do you have any insecurities concerning me?
  30. Any moral value or life lesson that you have learned from me?
  31. If tomorrow we are married and, due to my medical condition, it is advised that I be taken off life support, what will you do?
  32. Will you still care for me as a partner if I am handicapped in the future?
  33. What couple goals can we set for others around us?
  34. In our relationship, which role would you like to take on – that of a protector or nurturer?
  35. Do you think you know me so well that you can read my mind?
  36. Do you find me critical or understanding?
  37. What is the strength and weakness of our relationship?
  38. Name five things that are common in us.
  39. Would you like us to be more of friends or lovers?
  40. Have you ever imagined a time when we are married with kids?
  41. Do we bond better because we have some common interests, like music, food, or anything else?
  42. Do we look good together, or is this relationship a mismatch?
  43. Do you usually hide your feelings from me?

Connecting Emotionally: General Questions

  1. How important is the physical attraction for you?
  2. What is that one big decision of your life that you repent or regret and want to change?
  3. What is the best thing that has happened in your life so far that you have not shared with me?
  4. Have you ever indulged in frivolous relationships or one-night stands?
  5. Who is your role model in life?
  6. Given a chance, do you want your own kids, or would you like to adopt?
  7. How significant is the financial status of your partner for you?
  8. What would be the ideal place on this Earth where you would want to live your retired life? Why?
  9. Would you sacrifice your family and relationship goals for your career?
  10. Have you planned your retirement?
  11. Do you believe in life after birth and everlasting love?
  12. Do you like gifts to express love, or do actions speak more for you?
  13. Have you ever been in trouble with the law?
  14. Any three personal accomplishments of yours that you are really proud of?
  15. What is more important to you – mental peace and happiness or money?
  16. Any one thing, as per you, that is unpardonable in companionship.
  17. Why do you think there are more fights between partners once they get married?
  18. Should partners prioritize their feelings or that of their kids?
  19. What do you think is the world's biggest problem today that needs to be resolved on priority?
  20. Any advice that you would like to give your teenage self?
  21. What do you find the most embarrassing in a relationship?
  22. Do you think that your priorities have changed in the last few years?
  23. When was the last time you cried, and why?
  24. The best compliment you have ever received.
  25. Do you remember an insult or a derogatory behavior you have never been able to forget?
  26. Has any person or incident angered you beyond your control in the past few days?
  27. What is the biggest fear in life today?
  28. What is one thing you appreciate most about yourself, and why is it important?
  29. Is there a particular place in the world that holds special meaning for you?
  30. What activities or practices help you feel nurtured and rejuvenated?
  31. How do you handle stress or difficult situations?


Since communication is so crucial for a solid ever-lasting relationship, it is a good idea to focus on the intimate questions. Even if it can open Pandora's box, it can help you come closer and establish a strong relationship. As mentioned earlier, don't judge the other person. Be ready for a give-and-take because “a great relationship, after all, is about respecting the differences and appreciating the similarities.”