Has she broken up with you and you are sitting there wondering how to get your ex-girlfriend back? Relationships often end due to resentment and pent up anger. It may also end because you both don’t think alike. You’ve probably said some things you didn’t mean and she got angry and decided to break up. But you are not ready to let go of her yet right? You lie there staring at your ceiling thinking about all the good old times you spent with her because you just can’t accept the fact that you guys have broken up.
How to win her back?
Now that you want her back, you might be able to win her over if you are willing to put in the efforts. Girls like men who are understanding and who do everything in their power to keep her. What you need to do now is work towards fixing the issues that led her to break up with you. Go over the last fight that you guys had which led you to break up. Did she mention why she was hurt? Did she tell you why she was disappointed in you? Were you considerate of her feelings? Discover whatever it is you did that led her to break it off with you because you need to stop doing it otherwise you can't get her back. In order to fix the issue, you need to understand why she broke up with you. Of course, it's easier said than done but it's usually wise to assess yourself first before you move any further.
Maybe she told you that you’ve grown apart or the famous excuse “I just need some space”. Whatever might be the case if you are just not sure why she broke up with you try to replay the conversation in your mind to find out.
Why do you want to get her back?
Before you decide on trying to get your ex-girlfriend back, ask yourself why? Why do you wish to get back together? Is it because you're alone or you really can’t imagine your life without her? If you are feeling lonely it's probably not the best idea to get back together. But if you are still in love with her and want to work things out with her then try giving it a shot.
It also can be entirely possible that she might be super attracted to you but left you regardless. This is a situation where she really wants you but she feels like she can’t have you. This can be because of a particular way you behave that suggests that you might not be totally into her and you neither are committed to the relationship. So although she is attracted to you, she might feel that you are not willing to give her what she needs from the relationship. So if you fall into this category, you might want to have a long hard look into your relationship with her.
Keep in mind that just because you want her doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants you too. Giving all your time, energy, and efforts is not going to magically change her mind but if you are still keen on getting her back no matter what then read along this article to learn how to get your ex-girlfriend back.
11 Tips to get her back
Give her space
You are probably thinking, did I read it right? Yes, you did. It is understandable if you’re wondering that this step may make it worse and the connection you have with her will start to fade but it can actually work in your favor. If she told you she needed space then you should respect her wishes and give her time. She probably wants to spend some time alone and think things over. Don’t step into her space even if you think she’s out and going on dates with other men. No matter how much pain you feel you need to give her space if you want to get her back in your life.
If you are trying to get back together, of course, you will have to reach out eventually. But respecting her wishes is the first step towards winning her back.
Once a substantial amount of time has passed you can reach out to her to talk over things. This will show how much you respect her and how much her wishes are important to you. So give her the space she needs even if it hurts you.
If you continuously beg her to get back together with you, chances are she will not give it an ounce of thought. Women don’t like men who are weak. So if you keep pleading or begging or if you spend all your time talking to her about wanting her back, she will not be interested in getting back with you. If you give in all of your power into the relationship then consciously or subconsciously she will think she is in control. You need to clearly show her that you are in control of your emotions and you will not exchange your dignity to be with anyone.
Check if your issues are fixable
So you want your ex back but are you willing to work on the issues that broke you guys apart? Often we don’t realize how we might have hurt someone and since we don’t realize it we don’t take any actions to make amends. The first thing to understand is whether or not the reasons why you broke up are fixable. If it’s not, then it's probably time for you to move on and divert your mind into something else.
Keep a check and assess your relationship. Were there issues that she had been pointing out for days and you weren’t bothered enough to listen? Were those issues fixable in any way? If so, then you probably need to start working on those issues before you ask her to come back to you.
If she was bothered about you not listening to her or if there were some habits that she didn’t like about you, ask yourself if you are willing to give that up for her? Can you be a more active listener just like she wants you to be? Can you show the kind of love and support she expects from you?
If you are willing to give the same efforts as her then its more logical to approach her. But if you are not then it's probably best to move on because that will ultimately make both of you happy. Sometimes we can't fix some issues because there is no way around it. You just have to accept the fact that it can't work and move on.
Be your authentic self
You don't want to lose yourself in the relationship. Sometimes we often find ourselves losing sight of what we really want and that pressure may cause us to react differently. Even though you really want her back in your life, don't change who you are since that is the person she fell in love with. If you change yourself just to have her in your life, chances are she will recognize it and would not want to come back. Be your authentic self and let life guide you to the correct path. If getting her back means that you have to give up the things you love, or relationships with your friends who you really enjoy then you are probably better off without her. Pause and think about what you want out of your life. She also may need to compromise on a few things if you want your relationship to keep going. Working together as a team will not only make your relationship better but also help you to develop a sense of mutual understanding and trust. But before anything, you must understand what it is you really want out of life.
Don’t cut off contacts
If you want her back don’t cut off ties altogether and wait for the situation to calm down. You will find several articles advising you to cut off all contacts but that’s not how you should handle the situation. Women like men who take responsibility and apologize for their mistakes. It shows that you are willing to make amends. Cutting off contact will only make her feel that you don’t care and are not willing to take any action to fix the issues between you two. Once the situation calms down, reach out to her and apologize. It goes a long way when you own up to your mistakes and take responsibility for your relationship.
But on the other hand, if she specifically tells you not to contact her then it's probably best to wait for her to reach out or maybe give it a couple of days. It goes without saying that women are complicated and there’s no way of knowing what she wants, so it's best to assess your situation and go with your intuition.
Let her miss you
Sometimes we have to wait and see how the situation plays out. Constantly pestering her into coming back to you will not help you to win her over. Instead, give her space and time to rethink things and let her miss you. Let her drown in the memories enough to reach out to you. Often after a breakup, we make it worse by doing too much. She might reach out to you just because she was missing you. If this happens, this is not your chance to spring the idea of getting back together. Stay strong and let her say what she wants to say. If the situation is in your favor consider leaving hints like asking her out or offering to do things she loves doing. Its relationship phase one all over again, isn’t it? But it's also the only thing that can bring your lover back. So make efforts and show her your love.
Overthinking is your enemy so try your best not to overthink things. Overthinking may make you do the things that you weren’t supposed to do. Once you assess your issues and decide that you want to be with her, don’t overthink how or when you are going to approach her. It will probably feel a little awkward initially but always remember to listen to your heart and do what feels right.
If you were in a long term relationship, it's best to have a direct approach and talk to them honestly about how much you miss them and want them back. For a short term relationship, keep it casual and ask her if she can hang out and talk.
Remember to be more affectionate and nice since women love a man who is considerate and nice.
Get some advice
Is there a friend or a sibling you can trust? Share it with your trusted friend and ask for his or her relationship advice. More often than not our friends have just the right solution. Explain the situation and ask how to proceed with the situation. Is it the right time to reach out to your ex? They can also help you to point out where you went wrong and what you can do to fix it.
Seeking advice can go a long way in understanding what needs to be fixed. However, don’t listen to all the advice you get. It’s always best to assess your situation by taking your friend’s advice into consideration and then making a decision accordingly.
Get busy because if you don’t you will find yourself doing things you don’t want to do; like reaching out to her when she clearly told you to give her space.
Hang out with your friends or learn some new things. Spend some time doing the things you really love. It can be anything biking, running, cooking, or hiking. Do what you do best and let life flow its course. You might be thinking about how can this help you in getting your ex-girlfriend back. Well, number one, you will be busy doing your thing when she calls, and second, you will be calmer and more composed when you do talk to her. Once you calm down you will be able to handle the situation better, and with confidence.
Ask her out
If you’ve been following the rules so far it’s probably time for you to ask her out. But you’re probably wondering how I do that? First things first, arrange a meeting in a public location. It can be a cafe or a restaurant. You should be able to reach the location before her. This can show her that you care. Once you meet at the restaurant or cafe make sure you sit next to her because that can make her feel nostalgic and may lead her into the direction of wanting you back.
Don’t pressurize her in any way or this might fire back and your hopes of getting her back will go down the drain. Stay calm, composed, and confident. Women like men who are confident and who know what they want.
Start a conversation. Ask her what she’s been doing lately. Has she taken up any new courses or a new job? Show how much you are genuinely interested to know her and this may make her feel important. However, don’t ask her to get back together right on the first date. Take your time and rekindle your relationship with her slowly and naturally.
Treat it like a brand new relationship where you talk about your favorite things, your hobbies, your likes, and dislikes. Building trust with her will be the new foundation of your relationship. So keep it simple and watch it progress.
End things on a good note
Sometimes even if we try so hard, things don’t always happen the way we want them to. You’ve laid down your grounds and she is not willing to change her decision. In any case, it is always wise to end things on a good note. Even if it didn’t work out between the two of you there are a lot of memories that you can look back on.
If she doesn’t agree to get back together with you then end the conversion on a positive note like you’ll cherish the memories forever and you were glad to have a partner like her in your life. Be grateful for the good time you spent together and start to stop liking her. If you love her enough you should be able to look back in the past with zero regrets no matter what the outcome is.
So to summarize here are the steps on how to get your girlfriend back
1. Give her space
2. Stay strong
3. Check if your issues are fixable
4. Be Your authentic self
5. Don’t cut off contacts altogether
6. Let her miss you
7. Stop overthinking
8. Get some advice
9. Get busy
10. Ask her out
11. End things on a good note
What comes next?
Despite giving so much effort, sometimes it doesn’t work. As much as you would like to get her back sometimes it just is not going to happen. The best thing you can do now is to move on and redirect your focus. You can’t change your past but you can always make your future better.
However, If you both decide to get back together, really do the work. Now that you’ve won her over after all the efforts, don’t botch it up again. Pay attention to her and understand what she needs from you. Although it can take some time to rebuild the trust between you two, this can be a wonderful opportunity to build an even deeper bond.
The key to building your relationship is communication. Ask her about her day and how she feels about things. It is absolutely essential that you really make an effort to know her likes and dislikes this time. Make her feel how important she is in your life.
Whether you realize it or not, fights will continue to happen and your first instinct should be to control the urge to rant at your ex-girlfriend. It is absolutely normal to feel this way when you’ve gotten hurt but is not an acceptable way to behave. If you want to build your relationship from the ground up then this is one of the feelings you need to control. Ranting on her will only contribute to resentment which will ultimately drive her away again. You don’t want that to happen, do you? You can’t undo the past so focus on building a new future together without making the past an issue.
Always know that the love you have for her should be above the hurt and anger. It is understandable that you might feel vulnerable in such circumstances but you need to make her feel like you care.
The next thing that you need to keep an eye out for is the pace of your relationship. You don’t want to rush anything. Let your ex-girlfriend decide how the pace of your relationship should be. After a breakup, it is usually better to let the relationship grow slowly and naturally. You can only be able to build a relationship if you can give it proper time and space. Treat it as a brand new relationship and take baby steps towards building it together. If you two decide to get back together don’t make the mistake of thinking that you can pick up from where you left off. It is essential to understand that your relationship is in a vulnerable state and it can break off any minute if you don’t treat it gently. Build a new relationship that is stronger and make sure all those mistakes don’t happen again.
Sometimes we become frantic after a break and we want to know exactly where we stand. If you attempt to pressure your ex into getting back together with you, chances are she will say no. If she says yes, try not to pressure her too much because pressuring her will only drive her away. Give her space and let her start missing you. You should give her a chance to think about all the good times you two spent together.
By keeping these things in mind, you will be able to successfully mend things with your ex and get her back in your life again. Most relationships are not usually salvageable after a break-up. However, if you really want your girl to stay with you forever then give her your attention and treat her like she is the most important person in the world to you. As someone rightly said, “Do what you did at the beginning of the relationship and there will never be an end”.