9 Things to Know While Dating a Man with Kids
Are you thinking of dating a man with children? Dating is challenging and complicated, especially when you are dating a man with kids. There are various factors to be conscious of when children come amidst the relationship scenario. Relationships are not always rainbows and butterflies. No relationship comes without any baggage or risk.
Before committing yourself to a relationship and dating a married man with kids, there are a few things you must know:
He has kids, and his kids always come first
Yes, it is evident that you already know that he has kids. But you need to understand that when you are dating a man with kids, his kids would always be his number one priority. He holds the responsibility of his children and a duty to maintain. And if you are dating a man for whom his children are not the priority, then he is not the one for you as well. One of the most important things you need to know while dating a man with a baby is that things will never go as planned initially.
His kids might fall sick suddenly between the planning of a date night, and he would cancel all his plans as he would require a babysitter. He might do everything for his children without thinking about you. You have to be patient and understanding during these situations. Anything else might happen at any time, and you need to understand that you would not be the only person in his life he would prioritize first. Sometimes it is okay to date a single parent and feel left out. You should not get upset and be mentally prepared to tackle it efficiently.
Your relationship can be a secret
In the very beginning, your relationship can be a secret if you are dating a guy with a baby. He might not tell anyone about you, but there is nothing to worry about. He has a child to think about besides you and himself. He would not want his children to know about women continuously coming and going out of his life. This can have a chance to affect his children mentally. As he would not want his children to get involved during the dating period, he would be slow and take time to introduce you to everyone.
Stability is the crucial aspect here. It is excellent to ensure that everything is going well between you and him before introducing you into his children's lives. He would not want his children to become attached to a woman and start feeling like their mother, who would not stay long. So the introduction takes time, and your relationship can be secret initially. Have patience and go with the flow.
You won't get rid of his Ex
Yes, it is a bitter truth and a fact that his ex-wife's name will always come up in some way or another. It is harsh, but you have to accept that they have a past together, and you will be reminded of it regularly. There would be times when his ex-wife would visit his place to meet their children, or maybe he would take the children to her.
There is no space for jealousy when you are dating someone with children. The insecurities you have experienced from your past relationships must be shoved from your mind. This is not a common breakup of a boyfriend and a girlfriend where the ex would no longer be present in the partner's life. It doesn't matter whether you like her or care about her actions or not, but it is imperative to give her respect and always remember that she is the mother of your man's children.
Always respect and admire the bond between the children and their mother. Do not pick any quarrel with her or argue as you don't want to create any unnecessary worries and tensions. Your man and the ex would only communicate with each other for the sake of their children. So it would help if you are understanding, have faith, and build trust in your relationship with him.
Know his ex
As you are the new woman in the lives of his ex-wife's children, so she would want to know you well. Build a cordial relationship with her and have the understanding to avoid any misunderstandings and bitterness. Make her understand that you accept their relationship positively. Ensure her that you are responsible enough and invest your time to take care of her children as you are their stepmom. Give her trust so that she can believe that you would not negatively affect her children's lives. So don't get jealous and put your efforts into creating a gentle relationship between you, her, and her children.
Don't get over-excited with kids
Do not get too excited with kids, be sober, and take your time. Always try to understand how they see and accept you as a new woman in their lives, not their mother. So the children might think of you as an invader in their father's life and their family. So do not get over-excited and take it slow. Try to understand their emotions as it is not only about them but about you as well.
The children might be overemotional and doubtful as they are already hurt. So before you say anything to them that you might regret later, always keep in mind and understand why they behave like this. They would be overly emotional, so don't force anything and realize who you become pretentious. Try spending time with them, see what they ask you, and then answer their questions. Sit with them, give them comfort, and make them understand that you won't take their mother's place. Most importantly, you have to develop a trustable bond with them.
Know your boundaries
When you are dating a man with children, you must know your limits and boundaries, which you should not cross. If you are angry at the kids because they have done something you didn't like and instantly utter a curse word at them- that would be inappropriate! However, you don't have to allow the children for anything and everything they wish to do.
You should maintain a strict mom's role when they challenge you but at least know your limits before it is too late and you start to regret it. Join parenting sessions and learn how to control children when they act too stubborn without treating them in a wrong way or as your children. This would not be easy initially but always share the little or the more essential things with your man as he is the father of the children, and hopefully, he will be there to help you out with it.
Be ready for emergencies
When there are kids, emergencies will always come up unexpectedly. Let's say you and your partner planned for a special Saturday night a week ago, and you have waited the entire week for this day. Finally, when the day arrives, and you are all decked out for the date night, the kids suddenly start crying, saying they want a ride. You should not get upset and try to adjust to these situations as a part of the relationship package.
If you only expect to go things according to your way, then it is time to change your habits and start learning to adjust to new situations. You must agree with all the things that come with a relationship with kids. Take your time and think multiple times whether you are ready for this relationship or not because things will not be that easy.
There would be tough times
There might be times when your man is financially broken as he is still paying the bills of his divorce lawyer. You might not be able to enjoy the luxurious honeymoons and fancy food, which is fine. He might be in debt as he may not be able to pay the bills for his kid's education. Stand beside him and support him during his tough times. Try to aid him financially as much as you can. Try to take care of this kid's education.
There might also be times when he would suddenly start missing going out for dinner with his family at the beginning of your relationship. No, don't get jealous. Instead, try to understand his emotions and be patient. Learn to give him the emotional support he needs. Always understand that we would not miss his ex but the happy moments he shared being a family.
The more you adore his kids, the more he would love you
Yes, it is a fact that you can see a smile on your man's face whenever you connect with his kids affectionately. When he sees you bonding with his kids and building their trust, his decision to be with you will be strengthened. If you don't connect with his children, that may create a quarrel between you and your man. Don't get over-excited; take your time, go slow, and try to build a bond with the children.
Be strong, flexible, and patient when you are in such a relationship. Dating is not easy, and if it includes children, it becomes challenging. But if you date, there must be a good reason. When you have a strong connection with your man, don't let parenting matters ruin the relationship. Always know every relationship has its ups and downs. Keep these particular things in mind, and you will have an incredible experience.