7 Tips for Dating Someone with Abandonment Issues
Are you dating someone with trust issues?
Do you and your partner fight all the time? Does your partner often feel depressed and over-possessive?
If your partner faces these issues regularly, then there are high chances that he/she is suffering from abandonment issues. Mind you, these are not just typical relationship issues. People with abandonment issues experience a feeling of abandonment & pain. They might not be able to get close to others so easily. That’s because they’re afraid of getting abandoned.
Emotional deprivation, a loved one's death, loss of relationships, violence, poverty, and betrayal can cause such issues. These problems are typically triggered when someone is ignored in childhood.
Overcoming fear of abandonment is pretty tough! Issues of abandonment may have a huge influence on the life of an individual. Certain people have abandonment issues after being abandoned by a partner they deeply cared for. Such encounters can cause pretty serious wounds that take a long time to recover.
When someone is hurt time and again, they immediately presume a lot of things about the person. In a relationship, anyone with a phobia of abandonment may be extremely hard to deal with. Dating someone who pulls away frequently, or freaks out with envy, is difficult.
Remember, it's a fight that they can't really manage on their own. That’s because they tend to react very spontaneously. You may sometimes get irritated and even wonder how to leave someone you love but can't be with?
People with abandonment anxiety also deserve love. You don’t need to break up with them. You just need to get through their defensive shell. It will take a bit of extra time, effort, and care, but it will happen eventually.
If you are dating someone with abandonment issues, these 7 tips will surely prove useful for your relationship: –
1. Be truthful
Someone who hates abandonment has trust issues too. Therefore, secrets don't go down well with such people. Hence if you're completely truthful about your feelings and issues, things will get easier.
Fear is the root cause of abandonment. From the beginning of the relationship, set up clear communication. It will help you build a bond that focuses on authenticity instead of fear. Therefore, cultivate open communication as it is incredibly important. It would go a long way to help them know that they can trust you.
2. Do not push them
People who undergo abandonment trauma often don't talk about it to anyone. To help them with emotional abandonment issues, you should speak to your partner. You should let them know that you are always there to listen to them.
But if they're not ready, don't force them to open up and speak. This might cause them more anxiety and irritation. Perhaps, you can remind them from time to time that they can always speak to you.
3. Do not tell them that they are wrong
Someone who has fear of abandonment in relationships may have many assumptions. They assume their importance and position in a relationship. They could say things like, “I know you're not really into me ” or “You don’t feel the same about me anymore“. During such times, do not tell your partner that they're wrong.
Remember, they're not doing this intentionally. It's a reflex that they've developed from their past experiences. The easiest way to cope with this is to simply mention that you are always there to listen. You should wait until your partner is ready to express what they feel. This will show them that they're valuable to you. Once they are relaxed and comfortable, they will speak out.
4. Understand that there is nothing wrong with you, it is all about them
Dating someone with trust issues can make you crazy. Understand that it is okay to feel irritated sometimes. But do not blame yourself for any fights that occur between you and your partner. You are not the reason for their hurt (even if they blame you)
People with a fear of abandonment might not respond to the good things that you've done for them. They might freak out and act very badly. They might feel guilty about their actions after they blow up or act irrationally.
Encourage them to speak to you about what they fear after they have cooled down. This is a wonderful time to talk about it. Let them know that you're there for them. Your encouragement and reassurance can work wonders on their mood.
5. Stay with them even if they try to break things off
One of the hardest things to deal with someone who has abandonment problems is their instinct to sabotage the relationship. People with such behavior often experience the fear of dating.
They don't want to be single, but because they fear rejection. They usually try to be alone. Your partner may move away from you for no reason. They could try to pick battles. They know that they'll not face the agony of abandonment if they leave you first.
Sometimes even you may want to leave. Sometimes you may not know what to do when someone pushes you away? All you need to be is patient and calm. You'll need to show your partner that even if other people have left them in the past, you're not going to do it.
6. You don't need to fix all their issues
You are not responsible to solve all the concerns of your soulmate. You don't need to make promises that you can't uphold. This is because you never know what the future holds for you. Yet someone with abandonment anxiety inevitably feels that people will leave them.
No matter how many promises you make, they might never believe you. The best way to get back at someone is by making them understand their importance in your life. Remind them that you love them, but do not try to fix all their problems. If you guys are meant to be, you will end up together even without your desperate efforts.
7. Remind them how much they mean to you
Being rigid, insecure, and over-sensitive are a few of the long term effects of abandonment. We all know that dating a depressed person can be very challenging sometimes. But most selfless lovers are those who do everything and anything for their partners. They love their partners unintentionally.
If you are a selfless lover, remind them why you love them. Tell them why you care and appreciate them. Concentrate on every little thing you like about them. Support them, but don’t try to cure them even if you feel a sense of responsibility to fix them.
Note that this is their life, not yours. Though you may have a desire to see them happy, you should not place this burden on your shoulders. This pain is not yours to bear. There is a world of difference between supporting others and trying to fix them.
Your job is to support their own path of recovery. Allow them the freedom to heal at their own speed. They might often go backward, try new things, fail, get up, and try again.
It can often be difficult to love someone with these challenges. But after you have helped them work through their worries, you will have the most caring and loving companion who will stay with you forever.